I'm not infallible

I mean, obviously I'm not. If I were, I'd be at my weight goal already and up to running 10 miles on my long runs. I have setbacks, plenty of them, and I'm not perfect. That's what this whole blog is about, right? But I do try to focus on the positive, because it keeps me positive, but also because... I don't like others to see my faults. But how am I going to improve if I don't acknowledge them?

Here are two things I'm currently struggling with: portion control and morning exercise. I want to focus on these this week, but I need help. So I come to you, dear readers, for advice.

I've always struggled with portion control but it's worse than usual right now. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't tracked my food in a while [I started again yesterday], but it's also just a general lack of control that I've felt. I tell myself, "No, don't eat another sandwich" and yet, two minutes later, I'm halfway through another one. I don't know what it is. How do I stop this? I just don't know. I've tried all the usual tricks, like drinking water between sips, but haven't had much luck.

Well, I know it's also psychological. It's not so much that I'm eating from hunger [definitely not] or boredom [well, not always] but more that the food's there and I can eat it, something I still haven't quite gotten over after my months of relentless hunger a few years ago. From what I've read and witnessed, it's a feeling that takes a long time to go away and may never fully leave. Some of my friends, who lived in poverty growing up, relentlessly hoard food even now that they're decently well off. Some eat as much as they can whenever they can. Both are concerned that their next meal may never come, or will at least be a long ways off. I'm still one of them, and I fall into the latter group. I don't know how to fix it, even now that I've got more than enough food to get me through each week and month.

The other problem is morning workouts. I keep having this idea that I will get up and go for a run before I have to be at the library by noon. That should give me plenty of time, right? Noon's pretty late! So I set my alarm for 8, plan to be out on the run by 9, then back home by 10 which is plenty of time to get ready before leaving my house by 11:30. On paper, it works out. In practice... not so much. Surprisingly, the problem isn't waking up on time. It's just the "getting out of bed and out the door by 9" part that I have problems with. I get distracted by the internet, catching up on the previous night's shenanigans and news, and before I know it, it's 10 o'clock and I've missed my run. Now, the obvious solution is to just not get on the internet when I wake up but I do have some legitimate things to take care of when I first wake up. The problem is getting off the internet after those few things are done. Isn't there a program to black out the internet temporarily on your computer, or something? That's what I need. I think I know of writers using them. Where can I find one?

Aside from acquiring a program that I only have a vague hint of actually existing, what are some tips to help me with this? I need to take a page from UfYH and remind myself, "The internet will still be there when I get back."But hey, you're talking to the girl who can't stop herself from eating an entire package of cookies, how can you expect her to portion control her internet too?

What I need is someone hovering over me and constantly telling me, "No, don't eat that, you've already had enough" and "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED AND GO RUNNING, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER FOR IT". What I do have is... the internet. And most people aren't usually around at 8am [timezones, traveling to work, etc.]. And the internet's already a bit of a problem.

The second half of this post might be moot come next week because yay, daylight savings and it not being dark by the time I get home! But still, I want to conquer this "morning workout" thing anyway. It would be nice to actually get in my scheduled runs this week. So, tips would be appreciated.

[Tonight, I busted out my kettlebell for the first time in months so I expect I'll be feeling that in the morning. I also did a ton of jumping jacks, some lunges and squats and bicep curls and lateral raises, and my 40 minute walk to/from the library earlier in the day. But no morning run.]